I Am Your's. Sincerely, Your Child

Hey i did it again. I got upset and now im crying again but obviously you’re seeing that. Why? Well i got jealous again and I know the full problem isn’t jealousy. The jealousy built up from what’s the real problem… but the problem is…what’s the real problem? I really want to know so i can fix this. I’m tired of pain and hurting myself and i know you have the answers. Like i said i know it’s not jealousy because if i move on then im just gonna cling and do the problem over and over again. It’s something else. I realize it has something to do with insecurities but i need to find something specific and fix that so please show me what it is and help me to listen because im getting tired and i don’t want more tears. I don’t want feelings of hurting myself or hiding in a corner crying to myself. I want to freely worship you again more than just one week.

God i realize you have this in you perfect plan and i’m not going to do alone again. Let your will be done not mine and please show me what i need to see so that i may give that up and run for you. 

I had another daydream. One of those sads one ahahaha but it brought me back to a different moment. Last summer i was really upset about something and i just kept like thinking about it. I told my friend about this and she invited me to her house for me to pray, worship and cry while she was right next to me playing praise songs. This went on for like an hour or two. Aha chances are she’ll probably read this. That’s fine. I felt like making this post because 1. im really encouraged someone would do this for me and 2. It’s so important to have another Christian, to have accountability and to be united. If we have all of this we can keep each other encouraging one another and we can pray for one another. Unity is very important.

“² Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³ Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” -Ephesians 4:2-3

“²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another —and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” -Hebrews 10:24-25

that’s what i want. 

Beautiful Things - Gungor

My praise leader told me to share Christ by showing love. It’s obvious but to evangelize i forgot about that. Now im really convicted to share here. 

I do have my ups and downs but in the long run i will never get tired of Jesus’s love. Think about it, he was bruised, beat up, crushed, humilated and hung on that cross. Not only that, before he ever stepped out on earth, he was home in heaven…in PERFECTION. Like a place of no tears, no sadness, no pain, no hate, etc… you get it. Jesus stepped out of heaven on to earth to lower himself to a poor man. He didn’t even start out as a king…like King David. No, he started as a regular person of no royalty(he is a king though). As a regular person he faced tears, sadness, pain, hate, humiliation, anger, and a lot more…the list goes on. Why? Because he loves you. Because he wanted to see you in heaven with him and God. He wanted you to go heaven so God the father could come and hug you and tell you “Good job my good and faithful servant”. Because he wanted you to come to the father, so that the father could tell you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him. You are so special to God! This is our God and i still can’t fully fathom how much he loves me. I have found out what love is from him. Want to start something with God? All you have to do is simply, believe in Jesus Christ and the rest will come on the way.

That’s there’s a mighty God who can lift up mountains easily with a finger. God can push the water currents around the world beyond 360 degrees. God can build up trembling earthquakes. He can signal all the volcanoes to erupt…yet He’s the same God that just wants to hug you softly. God wants to hold you in hand and protect you. God wants to come down to earth so he can spend time with you. God is the same God who wants to carry you in his arms and tell you “I love you.” 

That’s our God! And He’s amazing!

I went to a 8 hour worship(only did 6 hours and 30 minutes) and i learned a lot. I’ve doubted my prayers from time to time. I used to think stuff like “I don’t think i can pray to God and he’ll answer it” or something along those lines. Pastor James or Teacher Eugene said during worship “Your prayers right now mean so much to God. You might think it doesn’t matter but it matters!” That touched my heart and reminded me that God cares so much about what i want to say to him. Another thing that either Pastor James or Teacher Eugene said was “It’s not that God can’t help other’s it’s that he won’t” and adding on to that, he meant that God won’t because he’s waiting for us to pray for others and then he will. I mean sometimes he’ll just help them before we pray to show us something but he wants us to pray for others and then he will make it happen. I’m so blessed knowing and remembering God cares about what i pray about. I think it’s one of those simple things we tend to forget(or i tend to forget ahah)

I dunno if this makes sense but i just felt like sharing this ahah